Me - 30th Day of Gratitude

Yes, I am fully aware today is the 3rd of May and not the 30th April … I've been a bit busy.

Well, not so much busy, I've been busy Procrastinating. Further explained here.

As that post explains, I am not talking about having had no motivation, I was procrastinating.

Anyway, that is not exactly the topic of discussion today.

Today I want to talk about me!  Isn't that what you talk about everyday? I hear you ask.

No, in fact, I generally talk about things that happen to me, things I've done, things my children have done, things I am grateful for etc., generally, I don't talk all that much about me, the person, ultimately because I try to focus my blog on Happy Endings, and as a person, I can't quite picture that one just yet, although I do feel I am getting a clearer picture everyday.

Many people in this world have had tough experiences, have lived in environments that were not conducive, to happiness, have seen much sadness, violence, anger, hate, or have even had these things levelled at them.  In some cases people have seen so much suffering around them, that they don't see their own pain or suffering as significant, that is sort of me.

This says it right

I can't imagine saying I might have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder when I think of our Service People who have gone to war, who have seen people killed (mates and opposition) who have had to kill or be killed; I saw my own Mother beaten at the hands of my Father and can't imagine being her or how my experience was difficult compared to women who suffer Domestic Violence; I've heard stories of sexual abuse and mutilation, (short and long term) (children and adults) and can't see how date rape compares with that; I just cannot allow myself in so many ways to be called a victim and so, a label such as PTSD does not sit well for me.

I have tried to see life from both sides, I try to be empathic of those who had lives much tougher than mine with little opportunity to speak of, or who only had role models who were not winning either, I try to understand the way people live when they have been raised with privilege and how much, at times, they have missed out on in the way of basic life experience. I also try to find the positives in the way I was raised, like the fact that I had a strong community around me and was nurtured in other ways by other kind and caring people despite the neglect I also encountered.

A good old fashioned light bulb moment

There comes a time in all our lives where we need to resolve much of that which is called the past, my time has come.  I have mentioned many times before about my ample history of Therapy and how I feel it has benefited me, well this is another one of those benefits.  While I still have much to do therapy related, now that I am exploring the PTSD avenue, I have seen in myself much change, and I am proud of who I am becoming, I am proud of how I treat people less fortunate than myself, I am proud of how I bite my tongue to prevent a senseless argument I would happily have entered into previously, I am happy with my children and how I am still learning to parent in a more loving way, I am happy with my goals and my vision of my future and I am happy that I will make good choices to keep me on the road of improvement in all areas of my life.

Today, I am grateful for me.

I personally don't know other people who have come through what I have and still kept their sense of humour. Having said that, maybe I do, we all have a story, so be kind to everyone.