I'm still not convinced

As I sit here watching my Twitter feed scroll at a respectable pace with hashtags such as #MarchInMay #MorePopularThanAbbott #auspol #ICAC #Budget2014 #BudgetReply #Newspoll #BustTheBudget #DD it concerns me that twitter also scrolled with fervour the week leading up to the September 2013 election.  Here's a couple of tonights fun ones.

It seemed people had Mr Abbott pegged then too.  I was in a state of shock when I woke on the morning after the election to discover he was our new PM.

Why did it take a Budget release to show the people of Australia the truth.  Why are so many of the country such bad judges of character?

How do people like Tony Abbott and Joe Hockey fly under the radar?

Why are people like these in the stories below, forgotten? Read their stories and see if you think it's fair.

Disability Support Pension Recipients

Single Parents of Disabled Children and their siblings

Single Parents doing it alone

And anyone else impacted by these broken promises

Is it the Mainstream Media exposure? Is it that Australians all hope one day to be wealthy and pin their hopes on the rich to lead the way? Are we truly that gullible?

Whatever it is, if we get the chance to go to the polls again, I hope we get it right this time! Use your votes wisely Australia.

Understanding - 7th Day of Gratitude

For as long as I can remember, I was running late to something.

Call it a learned behaviour or hereditary but I know my Mum was the same.

I have found though that people are usually OK with it if you are able to give them a heads up.

I've had a few people not so happy about it, but I must say, since I became a Mum myself, it sort of gave me a free pass.

I hope so!

If you are late because you were doing something for the kids, it seems to be an unwritten law amongst Mums that it's an acceptable reason to be late.  I would say because every Mum, no matter how organised, has had one of *those* days.

So today I am grateful for Understanding.

Particularly since this post is a day late, but I know you will all understand xo

Housing Update

For those of you playing along at home, the situation around our housing has worsened.

If you are not sure what I am talking about, the previous post is here

It has been proven now that despite CH organisation stating that they comply with Housing NSW policies, they have not.

I now have to wait 28 days for the appropriate process around my appeal to unfold while they do an "internal" investigation.

If I don't agree with the outcome of their investigation, then I have to make an appeal to another authority.

See, this would have met our needs perfectly!

At the end of the day, I will miss out on a property (that we have now confirmed can be made safe for LJ) because of the time that will lapse while this due process unfolds as a result of them not taking into consideration LJ's needs for housing around his disability and my care situation, which were specified in our original applications to Housing NSW. A complete disregard for their own policy.

In short, someone didn't read a file, or someone doesn't know the policy, or someone has just made an honest mistake. But when those shortcomings mean that a family will potentially be put at risk of homelessness, does one not just put up their hand and say, "It was me, I made the mistake and I'm sorry. We don't need to waste 28 days, lets just move forward and get these people housed appropriately."

My Happy Ending - When I complete my Community Service Certificate IV next year, all this experience will only help me to do a better job than these people have!

Mindfulness 102

Today, is the last day of the School holidays.

Normally, by this time, I am at my wits end, I am ready to have the kids go back to school and I am looking forward to getting on with my list of "Things To Do". I am ready to move on. Not today however ...

Do you want to know why? This is why ...

Combined with a bit of this ...

Mindfulness

I've written before about Mindfulness and my continued effort in perfecting this practice.

While I still feel I have a long way to go in the application of Mindfulness to all areas of my life, I most certainly had some wins these School holidays, which is apparent from the state of my house!

While we always have done fun things, I've noticed that I used to rush through everything. It would be like, "Lets go to the beach!" "Yay, now we are here, when can we go?" Done that, now tick it off the list.

I was  a very big list person, and while I still am for many things, I find the important things cannot be experienced by ticking off a list.

My advice to you all: Pick one thing and stick with it until you have enjoyed the hell out of it!

So we have had a few days at the beach where we enjoyed building sand castles with moats so the water can surround them when the waves come in close enough, kicking the ball in the water and watching the waves bring it back, weeding the back yard and simply just digging holes in the dirt.  We've watched DVDs, been to the movies and eaten pop corn and ice cream. We've been out for posh lunches and trips through Maccas drive through. And, the best part, I was there, I was present, I was in the moment and living those moments with my kids.

My Happy Ending: We have made memories.

What I've learnt recently

A few things have happened lately which have meant I have had to do heaps of research.

All related to my kids of course.

Source

Although, I must say, I have also made some decisions about my own future. At least for me it was a simple case of heading off to see the Careers Counsellor at TAFE and I had all the information I needed. Quite simple really.

With LJ things are not always that simple.  Not only is he a robust, rough and tumble nearly 11 year old, but he has Down syndrome (DS).  Behaviour, they say, is always communication. Unfortunately, I am not the best interpreter.  I feel like I am in a constant game of Charades.

I have read books, essays, other parents accounts and anything else I could get my hands on, so now I am turning to the DS community.  I have sought out the ear of parents who have gone before me, who have older children or adult children in the hope they will be able to drop some pearl of wisdom in my lap so that I can get on with the doing and less of the searching.

As for MJ, if only it was behaviour.  Well, not that some of it isn't, he is a teenager after all and what would a typical 16.5 year old be without that bit of attitude that signals the developmental stage they are at. That horrid stage of not quite being an adult and still being a child in many ways too.  I remember that period of my life, and mostly, what I do remember about it was that I just wanted it to pass. It is when we are coming to the point in life where we start to get to know ourselves as someone other than our parent's children, understanding much of what we could not have known before and trying to make sense of it all.

I am therefore in a state of gratitude daily that MJ is less like me than I can ever have hoped for. He is an independent person who has his head screwed on the right way and while he is still experiencing many things that will shape his beliefs and life direction, he already has some fantastically insightful points of view and values that will stand him in good stead for life.

Which brings me to what I have learnt recently.

I have learnt .... I have a lot to learn.

"The more I read, the more I acquire,

the more certain I am that I know nothing." 

Voltaire

Gay Pride or Mum Pride

After thumping out my post of Things That Make Me Smile, I of course thought of many more things. As you do. 

But one thing, or person, who makes me smile, in fact, makes me grin with bursting pride, is my eldest son MJ. 

Disclaimer: The little one has the same effect on me although for different reasons. 

When MJ was 12, he came to me looking a bit nervous and with a very serious look on his face, not to mention all the other body language that was going on and told me he needed to talk to me.

We had had a tedious year, for want of a better word. I had recognised that this was probably due to puberty creeping into our otherwise peaceful home and had duly done copious amounts of reading on the subject. But generally, things were still OK.

I had noticed on this occasion my usually outspoken, confident, articulate son was taking a bit of a back seat it seemed; so I was immediately on alert. I became very concerned as terrible scenarios started to play in my mind. He NEEDED to talk to me! Oh.My.God., what could be so terrible that not only was my usually very talkative son preempting his need to talk to me, but he looked so terribly worried?

I took a very deep breath and tried to clear my mind, which had already come up with at least 20 awful things that might have happened or might be about to happen. 

Being a bit later in the night and with his brother asleep in bed, I asked him if he would like a hot chocolate, and so we both had one and we sat on opposite sides of the kitchen bench facing each other. Our usual positions to engage in open, honest communication. It was difficult, but I tried to do more listening than I am at times known for, because I knew whatever this was, it was important and I needed to give him my full attention.

And there it was, after much uncharacteristic small talk, hypotheticals, facts and talk of statistics and research already done, the words finally came.
"Mum, I am gay."

NOT, I think I might be, or I am not sure but, nor was there any hesitation or quiet voice. Right from the very first time my son had said those words out loud, he was a proud gay man! I immediately knew he would be OK.

I already knew he had it in him to have the maturity, confidence and self esteem to be whoever his path in life would make of him, but I was glad to hear with those four words that he knew who he was!

I don't know if that makes me a proud gay mother, but however the sequence of words, the most valuable of them all is proud.



Gay Pride Flag

The colours represent: Red for life, orange for healing, yellow for sun, green for serenity with nature, indigo for harmony and violet for spirit.

It turns out his nerves were for me, he was worried about me, not what he had to tell me, nor really my reaction and I am still not sure if he thought I would feint or have a heart attack, but I hope he never for even a split second thought there would be anything negative in this news to me. Because I am proud of him. I am proud he can stand up and be counted for who he is, that he is already advocating for the GLBTIQ (Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender, Intersex, gender Queer or Questioning) Community, that he is making friends across all walks of life and most of all, that he is following his heart to be the best person he can possibly be in all areas of his life.

I told him that while I was intrigued that we had never before really touched on the subject, I was actually not very surprised, you see, he is my son and I love him and as a result of having spent a lot of time with him those previous 12 years, I had sort of got to know him. As you do. He then informed me that he had been feeling this for a year, so he knew when he was 11 that he was gay, but because of societal attitudes, he had not know what to do with that information, hence our "tedious" year. 

Rainbow Pedestrian Crossing on Oxford Street near Taylor Square Sydney

Today as I write this MJ is nearly 16 and is at Mardi Gras under the expert supervision of an organisation that has lent its support and provided valuable services within the GLBTIQ Community for some thirty years!  He is with friends, advocates, professionals and people who support not only the GLBTIQ Community, but the Youth of that Community, he is with twenty10. 

As I dropped him at the train station, I admitted to him it was freaking me out sending him on his way to Mardi Gras, but I also told him how proud I am of him, also, how to not drink any water unless he knew exactly where it had been, how to stay together, how to wear his rain poncho and not get too wet, and most of all, to have a wonderful time and enjoy himself as any 16 year old should be able to do dressed as a dinosaur!

Jenny Macklin Schmacklin

Once again it seems the point has been sadly missed.

A politician goes on record (or doesn't, more to the point) as having said something stupid and the focus is on the STUPID, not the real point!

We all know the system of Welfare in Australia is broken, we all know that there are those who "take advantage" of the system and its flaws (loopholes), we all may NOT know how hard it is to actually pull yourself out of a deep black hole once you have slipped into it, despite your best efforts not to.

Yes there are those whose expertise in staying on a benefit far outweighs the knowledge of the system that most Centrelink Employees have (as most of them are on contract and don't have permanent jobs either).

There are many scenarios, all different and very individual, but the one thing that single parents have in common, is the obvious, they are single!

Yes, as I said, each situation is different, some people have family to support them, some have good working relationships with the other parent that means the responsibility can be shared (as it should be), some do work and earn a sufficient income to pay for childcare or other types of help (domestic support etc.), but there are many that are simply SINGLE.

The sole parent, the only person who can provide care of any kind to that child or children, they are alone.

I am one of the lucky ones, while I am a single parent who has no hands on support available to me from anywhere else, I have in the past been able to work from home (currently that is not the case), but, as I said, I am luck, because I don't need to be on the Single Parent Payment and, as my youngest child is now 10 years old, I also do not have to be on New Start, because my youngest child has a disability and I am able to be on a different Centrelink payment, until such time as I can re-establish my independence.

Re-establish my independence! That is what the Welfare system is supposed to be there for. To help people get back on their feet, to help those who, usually due to unforeseen circumstances have found themselves in need of some assistance.

We talk about those who cheat the system or "long term unemployed", we talk about fixing the system, but at the core of all this talking is the problem I mentioned at the start of this rant, WE ARE FOCUSING ON THE STUPID!!!

As a Nation, we need to look at why there is a Welfare System in place at all, we need to get back to the basics of helping those who are willing to help themselves and support them in a way that allows them to do that.

I had not intended sharing all of the following, but I think getting some real perspectives on this problem is very important. And so ...

For EIGHT YEARS, (since the collapse of my marriage due to nothing I could have changed, God knows I tried) I have tried many ways of re-establishing my independence.

Up until a year ago, I was self-employed so that I could support my children, I tried to apply for the waiting list for the opportunity to own my own home through a GREAT organisation called Habitat for Humanity Australia (but it was closed due to the length of the list and now I do not qualify as you must be working to be on the waiting list not just receiving a Centrelink payment), I have had to fore go my employment to take care of my kids due to my inability to source any hands on support. Instead they pay me a wage to stay at home with my son a "wage" which is far greater than the cost of the support I required to enable me to do my job as a parent and as a paid full time worker.

If I had been able to received 2 hours a day 5 days a week hands on support, and a respite package to assist in times of crisis through the year, I could have returned to work on a full time basis as I had the capacity to earn a decent living. I could have then paid for my own before and after school care and vacation care, I could have paid substantial taxes, I could have maintained my own private rental accommodation, and possibly through Habitat, eventually owned my own home again, (I am now living in subsidised Community Housing), I could be paying for Speech Therapy for my son as I used to (not sitting on a list waiting for a free service funded by the Government) and I could have retained my dignity, self-esteem and mental health.

As a result of the Full Time Carer status that I now have, I STILL require respite (probably more than I would need if I were working, as work would also provide me with a social outlet which I do not get now).

So there it is, the truth of my situation, I asked the Government for a HAND UP, and they gave me a hand out, which has systematically made my situation worse than I could have ever imagined it to be.

I have also seen on Twitter tonight many other similar conversations that show we are not doing the right thing. We have fully qualified Teachers on New Start simply because they cannot get enough work in the areas they need to work, as they are single parents too.

And let's not mention our Broken Public Housing System, which due to the way it works, only makes people dependant on that service long term.

I hear the cries of, "You can't be doing too badly; you have a computer and the Internet!" I have heard these cries before, a fair call if you have no concept of how the reporting system works with Centrelink.

If you are constantly looking for work or accommodation, in this day and age, the Internet is no longer a luxury, it is a necessity. When I was searching for private rental properties, many of the Real Estate Agents will no longer list you for a viewing of a property unless you register on their website, they will not even take your name over the phone, they will also not notify you by text as it is all put through their on line automated email system! Unless you have access to a computer, you miss out. Using the Library computer is not efficient enough as most notifications of property viewings only go out the night before and many are on a Saturday.

Centrelink is also moving to automation. If you go to their office to report your income or change address or report your "looking for work" status, they will sit you down at one of their public computers, sign you up, get you a password etc. and show you how to do it on line there and then, rather than being served at the counter that you just caught two buses to be served at.

And THAT, is where my rant ends.

I have many ideas of how to fix these systems, but will not go on for now.

The Happy Ending I hope to get from all this, is that my experiences over the last eight years, will eventually lead to improving the systems that are so, so broken and the good news for Jenny Macklin and any other Politician who says they can live on the dole is, they cannot prove anything we do not already know by carrying out such stunts, we know the payment for New Start is actually below the poverty line, nobody can live like that, nor should they have to.

What are your suggestions to fix the system?