Struggles - 10th Day of Gratitude

If you are following Grateful in April on the website or on Twitter @GratefulinApril or on  Facebook you might recognise this ...

Which I found on Facebook

I've decided to use this as my prompt for my Gratitude today, because this morning, I had a little struggle.

You see, after years and years and years and years ... well, you get it, of Therapy, as was previously mentioned on my 5th Day of Gratitude I have started to actually find myself much more capable of getting through life's little challenges.

So, this morning when I woke to find my glasses had detached from the right arm which holds them on my head, I was, to say the least, feeling a bit lopsided.

It threw me a bit, but I pushed through with the help from a few positive comments from concerned friends on Facebook.  I also felt a little special when I realised there were people who actually envied my "me" time as I sat eating raisin toast (covered in sesame seeds ??? - still trying to get my head around 'that' though) and sipping my Caramel Latte! (Sorry Kathy)

Not really mine ...

In general though, I just felt really out of sorts and unable to actually guide my brain in the right direction to actually get anything constructive done. Some of you may be thinking "I have days like that all the time and I just get on with it", I wish I could. Depression is not called "The Black Dog" for nothing. That's why this Institute exists.

In the past, this would have been enough to render me unavailable for a couple of days.

But this afternoon, I was back on track.  I even had a look at my TAFE Assessment that will no doubt keep me busy during the School Holidays which will be upon us in one, more, day!

It appears I am utilising my struggles to gain strength and to finally learn to overcome them ... slowly.

Today, I am grateful for the opportunities to practise my skills that my struggles bring.

If you struggle with Anxiety, Depression or any other Mental Illness, please contact your GP or local Mental Health Team via your local Area Health Service for referral.

Therapy - 5th Day of Gratitude

Trigger Warnings: Depression, Anxiety, Mental Health.

Yes, I have therapy.

I've had Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, I've tried Neuro Emotional Technique, another Emotional Response Therapy (the exact name I cannot recall at this time), I use ABC (Antecedent, Behaviour, Consequence) to examine my reactions or responses to things in an effort to understand and change, I use Mindfulness to live in the moment, I've had Kinesiology, Massage, Aromatherapy, Hypnosis, I've done a Positive Parenting Program (PPP, Triple P), Mindful Parenting, I've read self help and parenting books and I've even prayed (not bad for an Atheist).

Photo Source

And, although this might all seem a bit drawn out, over-the-top, excessive, weird and a bit like over analysis, I have to say for me, its been exactly what I needed.

The first thing I did actually discover in a real light bulb moment early in therapy, was how long I had actually been living under the influence of a Mental Illness. Most of my life it seems.

The second thing I learnt, was that I had only recently started to actually FEEL, my emotions (a result of having children 17 years ago), and, that I did not know how to regulate those emotions as I had only ever know anger or aggression before. Yes, most people said I was moody and jokingly called me a b*t*h. (One reason I find that word so offensive these days.)

Whilst there have been many epiphanies since then, the one I had just today, was that all the therapy is finally paying off.

Celebration!

I had been pottering around the house, getting bits and pieces done, when I stopped for a power nap.  But then it started, my brain, just kept going, it would not stop, it went to all the places I don't go anymore, it seemed I could not stop it.  I tried to ignore my thoughts, it was futile. So then they came, the tears, the feelings, the dread of going backwards, the guilt, the shame, the vicious cycle.

I started to feel overwhelmed ... and then it occurred to me.

If I had a cold and felt like shit, I would just accept that and wait for the cold to pass. I would take some Panadol, some Echinachea, some Garlic and I would rest.  I would just wait until I felt better.  I wouldn't feel guilty for not being able to function, I would probably expect everyone to do the stuff I didn't feel like doing, because I was sick.

Most importantly, I would look after myself and be kind to myself, because that would make me get better sooner.

And so I did. I accepted my thoughts, and then filed them away, I calmed myself and my thoughts, I talked some positive self-talk, I nurtured myself like nobody had ever done before, and I gave myself permission to be vulnerable. So I cried, but, for the first time, they were tears of healing, and that, is why ...

Today I am grateful for all the Therapy I have had.

What do you do to push through a bad moment/day? Have you had therapy? Do you use the techniques you have been taught?

If you are feeling Depressed, Anxious, Suicidal, make a phone call now.

Reach out, now.

Lifeline in Australia 131114

In USA http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org 1-800-273-8255

Or contact your local Mental Health Service