Saturday, 13 September 2014

I'll love my baby no matter what ...

Please Note: I have used pronouns here in places that may seem grammatically incorrect, but are respectful of the person I am referring to around their gender. I may not have the language perfect or completely correct, but I am trying. I apologise to any grammar police out there as I do appreciate it may make you squirm, but a heads up, you may just have to get used to it.

E.g. She, He or They Here is a link for further information

As young parents blessed with a new arrival, we hope that our babies will only experience good health and happiness in life, we hope they will not have to endure never learning to sleep through the night. Even if that is actually the least of their concerns, but a huge concern for us.

We visualise well into their futures imagining them on many a pedestal accepting many an award. We ALWAYS imagine them with smiles on their faces, because, lets face it, when it really comes down to tin tacks, that is all that we do really want for our kids, is that they are happy.

I've never worried about what my kids will do for work, I've only ever said that if they can find what they love and make that their jobs, they will always be happy in their work.

I've also tried to teach them self worth and to know that nobody has the right to not value them for who they are, if you come across those people in life, walk away.

I've only ever focused on the life lessons that I knew about, the ones I myself had experienced and the ones I felt qualified enough to talk about.

After all, we don't really think about all the other millions of things that have not touched our lives in some way … until they do.

Now some background information … *fade to playground at Local Primary School circa 1972* ….

When I was in Primary School I had a best friend, his name for the sake of this story, was Nick. Nick and I used to hang out all the time.  I liked doing boy things and he liked hanging with us girls. Not that we ever made any assumptions about that, we were all just mates, sexuality, at that time, an unknown entity.

When we went to High School and we started to meet other kids from other schools, Nick found a group of other kids that he seemed to feel more comfortable with and although we all said hello from time to time, we saw less of each other. I missed his conversations and his laughter.

Me, being Queen of Naive, found out much later that Nick was gay, and I think a part of me loved him even more for just being himself.

I went on to work in travel where I met a lovely man named, for the sake of this story, Nick 2, him and I used to have lunch together and talk about all sorts of things, mainly his travels and the ones I was looking forward to having. When I left that job I missed his sense of adventure and vision.

I later worked in a bank where I met and befriended Nick 3, we used to go out picking up men together at piano bars and the likes. Nick 3 was much more refined than me … and I missed that and his intellect and cheeky grin when we parted ways.

I loved those Nicks, not because they were gay, but because they were fun, interesting, intelligent, caring and they were all good friends of mine, who lifted me up with their own sense of value and self worth, because each of them were complete individuals and comfortable in their own skin.

So when I realised my son did not seem happy and did not seem as comfortable in his own skin as the memories I had of my friends from years gone by, I couldn't figure it out.

Much time has passed since MJ first came out to me, we have had many things happen in that time, MJ has transitioned through friendships and found a group where he feels safe and comfortable, he is intelligent and has a vision for his future and he wants to travel and one day have special relationships such as the ones we all hope for.

Recently I learnt something very important about one of the things that have not been a part of my life and as far as I know, a thing that I had not experienced. That, is the concept of Genderqueer. I didn't realise that while sexuality is a very individual thing, so is gender.

And now, now that I know that and they has found the courage to be themself, things are going to get better. They can now plan a life that will meet their needs, that will be the life they sees for themself (I still hope that involves lots of pedestals and accolades because they deserves them), and while, when this wonderful young person was born I could never have imagined this life for them, I still want them to have whatever it is that makes them happy. Because I'll love my baby no matter what.

If you or anyone you know would like more information on the subject of Genderqueer please contact Genderqueer Australia on 03 8640 9796 or via This Link Or The Gender Centre in Sydney 02 9569 2366

Should you require urgent assistance, please contact Lifeline on 13 11 14

I want to live in a world where the words male and female are flexible and subjective, even redundant. A world of perpetual transformation, where sexuality and gender become obsolete as people begin to question why they should be the same person, day in, day out. A world where the overriding ethos is to question and explore your sexuality and gender without the restrictions prevalent in 'normal' society. Questioning what is masculine and what is feminine is about redrawing the boundaries (or removing them altogether) surrounding activities that are seen as inherently male or female. I long for a world where the old oppositions of male/female, masculine/feminine, heterosexual/homosexual have dissolved. I want to live in a world where I am free to be whoever I want to be, whenever I want to be, male, female, other or neither -  I have been advised this piece should be attributed to a young Trans person named Silver Taylor

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