Friday, 11 July 2014

When I Write

To start this post I probably need to briefly explain why I write … I did write a post about it once before if you wanted to read that, (it was a good post), but the shorter version is that I need to express myself, I need to speak out or clear my mind at times of all that clutters it, sometimes I need to clear my heart.

Since I don't always have people on tap to chat to, I write.

I write when I have something to say (need a rant), I write when I am feeling sad (need to be a crybaby), I write when I am feeling happy (need to gloat) and sometimes, I write because I'm bored. There are other reasons too, for example, every April I blog every day in gratitude.

However, getting back to it, I didn't realise until last week how much I do actually write.

I know, you are saying, "But she doesn't even blog every day!", and I don't, but I do find myself writing my random thoughts down by whatever means I have handy.  I find pieces of paper floating around the house with impulsive scribblings on them, I find notes in my phone that I have written while I've been out and had an epiphany, the thing that surprised me the most though was only a few days ago, when I decided to clear through some of my electronic documents and trash what I was done with, I stumbled upon a document I had written only two months ago … The thing that dumbfounded me was not that it was there, but that I could only vaguely remember writing it.

That seemed very odd because I had written it at a time of obvious emotion and it was a whole page of emotion laid out in black and white.  One thinks we will remember these things.  It seems our minds are much more self protective than we think, not allowing us to remember things that may hurt us or, may no longer be of use once put out there. Who really knows?

So, that really does bring me back to why I am writing today.

I found this note on my phone, it was written 25th October 2012. That was the year I moved my little family from a place of complete familiarity to an area none of us knew.  To a place where we knew nobody.  I was trying my best to make connections, to meet new friends, to form new networks and this is what I wrote …

Don't lie to me or mislead me in an attempt to be kind. You won't make me upset by telling me you don't want to have coffee with me or start a new friendship because you have a busy life already, or you are suffering depression and don't want to socialise, or you can't fit any other people or relationships into your life, or you simply believe we have nothing to offer each other. I am not going to judge your reasons, I will respect them. Do respect me enough to be honest. When you lie to me once, u will need to keep doing that, and when I find out, I will judge you, I will also judge myself. Let's just be honest and not waste each others time or judge each other. Let's respect each other.

I do remember writing this, but I was still surprised I had kept it on my phone, so, I thought I would share it.

There is a good message there for us all …

Let's respect each other.

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