Old Friends - 11th Day of Gratitude

I have a friend, I mean to say I actually have a few friends, but this one, I have had for nearly my whole life.

Sadly, we live quite a distance from each other, although that has never stopped us being friends.

We also live very different lives having had children at very different times, we work very different hours and days and we are at very different life stages, and yet, we have so much that we share.

Including our fashion sense ...

I've written several times before about my friends and each time I look back over my blog to identify those posts, I realise once again, how very lucky I am.

Yesterday (11th day of Gratitude), it happened I had a long overdue phone call with said friend, and she made me realise how loyal my long term friends are to me.

You see I've had some form of Mental Illness it seems, for most of my life, and as I am now coming into a time of real healing, I can identify in my past some of the strange things I have done, the weird responses people have seen in me, the unreliable character that I have displayed in the past, all those things that many people have just walked away from, but not my friends, my pals, my buds, my mates, my absolutely true, life long "in for the long haul" 'besties'.

So here I am, once again saying THANK YOU, to all my friends who love me even when I'm a bit crazy!

I was never much of an actress ...

Today, I am grateful for my friends,

all of them who stand by me.

"A friend is one who knows you, and loves you just the same." Elbert Hubbard

Family - Bah Humbug Warning

This cute pic came from here

Lady Diana Spencer aka Princess Diana or Lady Di.  Now there's a name or three we all know.  No matter how old you are, even if you weren't alive in her lifetime, most people will know that name. She is famous not only for her position within the English Royal Family, but for the Humanitarian opportunities that position afforded her. The cute penguin picture above comes from a website that is a list of quotes from many people, and also lists many of the wonderful things Lady Di said. Some profound, some sentimental and some just sounded wonderful, because she said them.  People listened to her, they loved her.

This is why I wish she had said something more than this about family, something realistic.

What if you have no family.  What if your friends are the only constant you have in your life?  When it comes to the crunch, where do you fit in "that" family? What if you are not a part of the "huddle" depicted above?

Lone Penguin

It is wonderful to have good friends. I know. I'm blessed with many good friends. *Waves to those who I have heard from over Christmas*

I have lifelong friends that make it feel like we've never been apart when we get together, friends I've met at work and still keep in touch with despite life changes and location, friends who have been brought in to my life through common denominators and who have been great strength and support for me, friends who share many of life's woes with me and we support each other; I have many friends.

Friends, not family.

So when people say (and believe) that family is the most important thing in the world, where does that leave me and people like me?

I can tell you.

You are never the first person they phone with good news like the announcement of an engagement, wedding, pregnancy; on the other side of that, I suppose it is a good thing, you will never be the person to get "that" phone call either.

When your friends have family functions, you always hear about them, later, and how wonderful they were and how much fun was had and how happy everyone was. Or, in this day and age, you get to see the photos on Facebook.

Precious moments of "drop in" and visit never happen, people always plan to see their friends, make appointments, plan an outing.

When you fight with friends, they don't have to be your friend anymore. When you reconcile with friends, the relationship is scarred, it is never the same and there is no pressure from within any structure for it to be repaired, it's just you and your friend.

You very rarely hear families say, oh well, if he/she (brother/sister, Uncle/Aunt) is going to be like that, you are better of without him/her in your life. Again, the pressure from within is there persisting with the value of that family relationship and being part of a bigger whole.

WHY NOW? WHY THE FUCK NOW?  I hear you ask .... Come on Sandra, we are all still trying to get our colons to work properly after the feast that was, wallowing in the glow of over indulgence and simply being spoilt by our loved ones ... We are getting ready to make ourselves sick again, and try to stay up until midnight for the fireworks! We are away, on holidays, with our families ..... OOOOOOOHHHHHHH, now you get it.

This concept is what I ponder at this time of year, every year, because it is said, about this time of year ... "It's all about spending time with your family, being together.".

I've taken to just saying to people "We don't do Christmas", "We're not Christians" etc in response to the questions, 1. How was your Christmas Day? 2. What did you do? 3. Did Santa come? 4. What did you get? 5. Are you going away? 6. What are you doing for New Year? At least people who know me have learnt to be polite and not to ask about family, probably more to save themselves the embarrassment than for the emotions it may (or may not) stir in me.

Well, here are the answers.

1. I spent the day trying not to cry in front of the kids and justifying my complete disdain for the whole holiday. So, the answer is "Good!" Since I didn't actually cry at any point.

2. We slept in until about 10am, we sat around for most of the rest of the day, we all had showers, we went for a drive, we came home, we had dinner and we all went to bed.

3. No, Santa never actually comes, he is a lie, a marketing ploy.

4. Here's what we got ... that will save me having to recite the list again! (See pic below)

5. Ummmm, No ...

6. I will be in bed by 11pm.

So, I suppose you are all wondering what gem I will pull from my repertoire to make this seem like there is a Happy Ending .... well there is, NOW you are all more aware that not everyone has what is considered a "Normal" Christmas.

Now, maybe when you, out of habit, ask that friend of yours, your colleague, the woman at the check out in Coles what they did for Christmas, you might consider, the answer may not be what you expected. Loneliness is a feeling that people experience all, year, round. It doesn't go away on "special days", those days are special because of the experience of the day, and if you have nobody to share that experience with, well ...

Christmas, Easter, New Year etc etc, are different for everyone, and while our Christmas seems to have been one nobody would want, it was ours, and, despite all else, we have a roof over our heads, we did not starve to death, we weren't bombed nor was our house ransacked or set on fire, like the reality of people in various parts of the world, so, we still have much to be grateful for. So there ...

In utter loneliness a writer tries to explain the inexplicable. John Steinbeck

Scones - 28th Day of Gratitude

It was such a nice day today, too nice to spend inside.

On the spur of the moment (out of my comfort zone but in keeping with the theme of this post) I made a decision we all get showered and in the car and head off for a visit.

I phoned to make sure we would not arrive at an empty house, and all was set.

We stopped on the way to grab some afternoon tea and continued our leisurely drive through the scenic route.

An hour later we arrived and guess what was waiting for us?

Source

Nothing says comfort, old friends and welcome, like a home made Devonshire tea! Scones still warm from the oven.

After a bit of catching up, LJ was off outside to visit the dogs and play basketball and I was able to take some time to sit and enjoy a moment of adult company (rare for me).

The perfect afternoon, sharing the conversation of a life long friend, accompanied by hot scones with jam and cream and a good strong cup of tea, what more does a girl need?

Today I am grateful for scones.

What food really brings you comfort? What does comfort food mean to you? Do you like to share your comfort food or eat alone?



Red Wine - 26th Day of Gratitude

There was a time in my life when I drank.  I drank a lot. I drank all the time. I drank for no reason other than to get drunk, in a social situation, to help me shine.

I loved going anywhere there was people and alcohol.

I remember my first drink, which also turned out to be my first hangover.

Mum thought it would be funny (well I'm assuming that is what she thought) if she gave me a bottle of red wine (that she would never have drunk), to take with me to the Church Youth Group's end of year function so I could "spike the punch"!

Source

Yes, you can all draw breath after exhaling in complete shock ... you may want to draw another breath now though so you don't pass out when I tell you, I was 14 years old at the time.

A friend and I headed off with said bottle concealed in her big purple parker and we were trying to find the opportunity to pour the bottle in the punch, but were too afraid we would get caught ... so we did what any 14 year olds would do, we destroyed the evidence!

Half each, problem solved.

Mum was in disbelief when the Youth Pastor delivered me home explaining to Mum that he thought we were drunk and apologetically telling her he had no idea where we had got the wine from and how sorry he was etc.  As any responsible adult would do when they were in charge of our well being at the time we became COMPLETELY PISSED.

Oh how I felt so sorry for that man later in my life as I realised. SHE. NEVER. TOLD. HIM. THE. TRUTH!

Of course, I suppose she was embarrassed. But what did she think two 14 year olds would do with it? And did she really expect us to spike the punch at a Church gathering?

That one incident, was the beginning of a very long and drawn out list of events that were considered to have been all my fault, including the "Year 10 School Dance incident", and so, when I had left school and Mum and Dad had no real say in where I went or who I went with, I drank.

I don't know why. That first hangover should have been enough to put anyone off drinking for the rest of their life. I recall feeling like I was going to fall out of bed, not to mention the pending vomiting, and so I slept on the floor. At least the room stopped spinning enough for me to get to sleep.

Later, I drank so often I got to the point where I could pretty much out drink most people, but of course it started to cost more money too. That was about the time I switched from Scotch and Dry to wine. Cheap crappy Moselle, I moved onto Riesling and Eventually Chardonnay. But who really cared, least cost most effective, that was all that really mattered.

Source

It was probably also about the time that I started to spend more time with an old school friend of mine.  I would go to her house for dinner or to celebrate events with her and her family, and as we were over 18 by this time, we would have a glass or two of red wine with dinner.

Mr S was a bit of a connoisseur and enjoyed introducing us to different wines and talking to us about how different wines complemented different foods.  Mrs S always had the different foods covered. Mr S also introduced us to Port. Not in the same way I had been introduced to wine initially, no, he taught us to savour it, to smell it, to taste it, to feel it, he taught us to appreciate and respect it.

I learnt to truly enjoy the real value of the combination of alcohol and people. We would talk and listen to music and sit around with their extended family also at times and we would just be.

I was always made to count my drinks or stay the night. Another good lesson.

Source

So tonight as I sat and enjoyed a couple of glasses of red (which I rarely do these days) in the comfort of my own home, I raised my glass to Mr and Mrs S and the lessons they taught me.

Tonight I am grateful for red wine.

How do you manage kids/teens/young adults and alcohol in your house?

Women - 20th Day of Gratitude

I have known many women in my life, the first I suppose was my Mother, who is sadly no longer with us. Sadly, because I am sure we would actually be great company for each other these days; now that I have grown to become a woman and I understand her more.

You see, when I was growing up, we just did not get on, in fact, far beyond my growing up.

Mum suffered from Depression.  I know that is something these days which is fairly common, but in the 1960's, 70s, 80s and even 90s, Mental Illness was not considered an illness at all. Ironically people would say "Its all in your head." (duh) Psychology wasn't really understood. Nor was anxiety and depression.

Those were times when you would simply be put in a corner or locked in an institution or treated like an outcast and for all time then after considered to have "gone mad", never to be accepted as a part of civilised society again.

Anti Depressants for what they were worth, were more like a sedative, doing nothing to help a person function again and in fact making the problem much worse particularly in a social sense.

It was her Depression that made our relationship so difficult for the most part, I found her unreliable, inconsistent, unable to function when I needed her and then ... I hit puberty.

Too late then for us to reconcile, and so all those lessons of character I had learnt, became a part of my own life and I rebelled.

Before my Mother became seriously ill, she was an intelligent capable woman, I do remember some of that. We saw snippets of it through those years too as she fought what I now know must have been a hell of a fight to be well.

I know she was Queen of Trivial Pursuit. We would all refuse to play, as no game is all that fun when you know who is going to win! But I believe that talent also rubbed off a bit; I often surprise myself with the things that just seem to come to mind.

Thankfully, although I don't have my Mother, there are other women who have come into my life over time. Women I can spend hours chatting with, covering many topics, laughing at our own jokes, recounting embarrassing stories from years gone by and even shedding a tear or two.

These are women who when I posted this blog post about my feeling unwell, made contact with me offering soup, supplements, advice and comfort and just about anything else I might have needed.

These are the women who have helped me to heal, who have filled that hole in my life where a Mother is not, and who give me the strength and courage each day to just keep moving forward.  These are the women who care.

We all have these women in our lives, they come in many shapes and forms; and to many, we are those women. In reading this post, I hope it inspires you to recognise those women in your life and have a moment of real gratitude for the wonder of who they are.

Today, I am grateful for women, my women.

Accountability - 8th Day of Gratitude

Once again, today I was given a reminder, yes, another of my wonderful friends.

I was reminded how powerful accountability is.
Which follows on from why I decided to blog Grateful in April.

Today however, I was reminded about a promise I had made, one I had actually made to myself, no, not to my friend who reminded me (see now THAT'S a friend), a promise to me.

Source



I had resolved to start getting more sleep, for health and mental health reasons; and well, if you are one of those weird people who check what time emails were sent or blog posts were logged or any other sort of Internet action was registered (as it seems most of my beautiful friends are), then you will know that I have not kept that promise to myself!

And so, with accountability on my side, tonight I have made my star chart and tomorrow I am going to buy myself a sheet of beautiful gold stars, or coloured ones, or maybe I'll go with smiley faces, oh, oh, I know I could get Princess ones or, or ... Oops, another distraction.

Anyway, tonight it will not happen that I get to bed before 10:30pm, but it will be earlier than usual! And, tomorrow night, I will be motivated. Because I will have stickers! And I can live in hope that I just may be woken up like this ...

Source

I have decided that I will reward myself after 21 consecutive nights of being in bed ready for sleep by 10:30pm! They say it takes 21 days to form a habit? As to whom "they" are, I have nominated this link to support my argument.

So now, I have to decide what my reward will be! What would you suggest?

My gratitude today goes to accountability!

My Happy Ending will be, in this situation, many things, according to this website Better Sleep Better Life.

Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise. Benjamin Franklin

(I can only hope)

Friends - 7th Day of Gratitude

Grateful in April Website

Today has been one a little more difficult to find gratitude within.

As they say however, just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water ... 

Or is the analogy I am after the one where I would take my bat and ball and go home declaring I no longer want to play?

Either way, I am sure I would be on my Pat Malone*.

Cue music from Beaches, the movie, "Wind Beneath My Wings".

Source

I have talked before about my amazing friends, some I have known for a relatively short time, like these ones, who shared my 50th with me and some I have known for a lifetime, like these ones, who are like sisters.

Today I had a very short interaction with one of my beautiful, lifelong friends, one who has seen her fair share of life at its best and at its worst, and yet, she is so strong, so selfless, so beautiful, so successful and such an inspiration, such a wonderful Mum and a magnificent role model to her two beautiful daughters. And she smiles all the time xo

Another thing I must make clear to you all, when I talk about the beauty of my wonderful friends, whilst I do find them all incredibly aesthetically pleasing, I am mainly referring to their "who they are"' and they all, are truly beautiful.

I have had "ugly" people in my life, so I KNOW how blessed I am.

But it is not simply having these people in my life, it is that they seem to just KNOW, when I need them. And today I needed that connection. Thank you V..., well, you know who you are.

And then, when I had actually finished writing this post, I received an email that warmed my heart, again, from one of my beautiful friends, who all have impeccable timing!

Thank you x 2!

So today, as cheesy and cliché as it may seem, I am grateful for my friends, all of them!

*Pat Malone, for my offshore friends = alone.

My Happy Ending well, I will let this picture do the talking ...



For my wonderful "Laggard" friends.

This post is dedicated to my friends.  No, not another one of these posts no tissues will be required ... unless you would like to laugh yourself silly at us until you cry?

For those of you who were not aware, (i.e., didn't read this post) I am 50 years old, and therefore, many of my friends also spring from that era.

These were some of my friends in the 1970s! Pic from here

However, I have many friends of many ages and so when we are talking "Generations" we might well site the whole alphabet, and Baby boomers too!

Which brings me to the matter at hand.  While I now have my Blog, (which I am always very excited about when I tell people), I have not always been "so Techno", and, by the simple use of that term, you can probably glean that I am still not "so Techno".

When I was growing up, there was no microwave, we barely had colour TV, the toilet was in the back yard and was emptied once a week by a very large smelly man who Dad gave a six pack to every Christmas, (which to my mind is a gross underpayment), the milk came in glass bottles and was left near the letter box in the "milk box" every morning, telephones were so heavy you could hardly pick them up and the "Cordless" had not yet even been invented! As for Mobile???? What the hell is that?

This was our home phone! Which is now referred to as being "Antique". Pic Source

So, it has been no surprise to me to find some of my friends, unlike me, who spends many hours on Facebook, Twitter and, if I have not previously mentioned, HAS MY OWN BLOG, are a little unfamiliar with the idea of a Blog and such "Techno" stuff!

To confuse the issue, me, who has my own Blog, tried to introduce them all to the world of blogging with a few tips on how they could help me "get my Blog off the ground". I had found some great tips on a tutorial that I stumbled upon via a link on Twitter that spells out how to make your Blog look more appealing so to encourage others (who are not your closest friends) to read it and ultimately comment! One method to appeal to an audience, is to have comments on your Blog so it appears that people read it, hence it is interesting ... easy I say!

I sent an email to all my friends that described how they could "follow" my Blog, how they could "subscribe" to my Blog, and how they could "Comment" on my Blog, with all the rules they should follow in diligent commenting and told them why this was all so important! And then, I waited ...

I have now had some notification from a couple of friends that they tried to comment on my Blog but once they had finished some beautifully composed and well thought out literary pieces, they have hit enter, and the whole thing disappeared, hence the lack of comments on my Blog ... I know that feeling, it happens to me when I try to comment on other people's Blogs on my iPhone, ALL. THE. TIME. - SO ANNOYING!

And so, understandably, I have nothing but sympathy for them. My first thought "OMG, my Blog is broken" how the hell am I, "The Techno One", going to fix that? My second thought, "Maybe I could do a TEST COMMENT?" ... and so I did! The result?

So without further ado, here is a quick instructional piece on:

HOW TO LEAVE A COMMENT ON MY BLOG.

1st Read a post or skim over it depending on your level of interest. 2nd At end of post click on the orange link that is "No Comments" or "1 Comment" (may have a different number than 1). 3rd Type your comment in the white box that will appear. 4th Where it says "Comment as" select Anonymous from the drop down box (unless you have another option there that you recognise, depending on your level of "Techno"). 5th Hit "Publish". 6th fill in the little security box thingy with the images you see and again hit go (or whatever it says), then you wait, not there at the computer, you will probably want to log off and check it out next time you think to ... I will then be notified by email that I have a comment to "moderate" and will happily do so, your comment will then appear in all its glory on MY BLOG, in the comments section. The whole process outlined above will make the orange link that may have said "No comments" read as "1 Comment", it will be yours!

Keep in mind, these instructions may only work for my Blog, from my experience, all Blogs are different and I am still learning too have no idea what I am talking about!

So to my "Laggard" friends, I love you all and thank you for your support and I would assume I will find many Anonymous and abusive comments at the end of this post!

The Happy Ending - Today, we have all learnt something!

Don't limit a child to your own learning, for he was born in another time.

Rabindranath Tagore

The Half Century

Another year has passed, we have seen Easter, another End of Financial Year, Christmas, New Year (and all the other celebrations that I have not mentioned for no other reason than it would take all night) come and go, and for me, a full 365 day cycle has passed.

I have today, seen out another birthday!  Not just any birthday mind you ... no, no, no, this, this birthday is a BIG one ... well, at least that was what I had been lead to believe!

I suppose for many, who are settled and cruising along in most ways in life, the thought of a big celebration for such a 'milestone' birthday might have been well planned, it might even have been planned for more than a few months, or even a few years, and ten years ago, I thought my 50th was going to be different too.

In fact, ten years ago, I thought my 40th was going to be different!

I had started to plan a huge 40th. I had invited friends over many months before to sample hors d’œuvre I had planned to serve on the night, I had looked into catering companies and had received quotes, it was all I was thinking about, other than the pending birth of the child I was carrying in my body!

Son #2 was due in October though, so, hey, not a problem, my birthday isn't until January right?  All will be fine ...

I had a wonderful pregnancy as I had with son #1 who had been born five and a half years earlier. I was healthy, I was working, I was winning, and I was cruising along just fine.

What I did not realise then, was what a surprise I would get when son #2 was finally born!

So on the 12th October 2002 (Bali Bombing Day - but that is another story), I gave birth at 12 minutes to 4am to a beautiful, blonde, healthy, squirming little boy with perfect skin and a gorgeous face, who I was in awe of and, who also happened to have Down syndrome.

At first it was all I could do to get my hands on a computer and start to Google! I needed to know more about this! I needed to know how my little boy would be different, what he would need, what I could do and what I needed to do. The first thing I knew I needed to do, was to love him ... and pretty much, that is where I started.

And here I am, ten years on ... the 40th fell flat on its face. I was at a hospital that day instead (Yet another story). I don't even recall going out for dinner! But, I don't really care, because today, as I celebrated my 50th birthday with some beautiful friends (whom I would not have met but for my connection with the Down syndrome community), my life is far from perfect, I am still just Googling to find out what to do next or how to do it, I am acknowledging the changes that have transpired in the last ten years and I am grateful.

I am grateful for the love of friends (new and old), for the understanding of my friends that my life and I are not perfect, and yet they love me anyway and accept me for who I am.
I am grateful for those who have come and gone in my life, as from many of them, I have
learnt so much.
I am grateful for all the support I have had from Down Syndrome NSW and all the people I have had the opportunity to meet through this organisation.
I am grateful for the many phone calls, play groups, Early Intervention groups, Therapy sessions and all the books I have had to read, I have learnt so much about my little boy and other people.

As far as Happy Endings go, I have learnt how to truly love. Not just my children, but my friends, many of whom I have known for most of my life, I have learnt to appreciate people for how they have added to my life, how they have inspired me, supported me through good and bad and my only hope now is that I have been able to be there for them also. 

That would very much make my 50 years seem like a Half Century well spent!

What do you plan to do for your 50th (or did you do?)