Absence - 21st Day of Gratitude

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. And as I type those words it occurs to me how familiar it seems to me, almost like Dejavou.

Having now had a look back, it is because almost a year to the day, I blogged about the exact same thing! And for the same reasons! This was that post if you would like to check it out.

For this year however, I have this post ...

Maybe that is true. But for different people at different times absence can serve many other purposes. 

My eldest child MJ has turned 17 years old. MJ and I recently agreed our relationship is changing as adulthood looms on the horizon. Independence needs to be learnt, responsibilities taken on, consequences truly understood. 

How better to learn those things than to experience situations on our own. 

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The first 5 days of the school holidays, spanning the first weekend, MJ spent at a Camp with like minded people, having to take part in all general house keeping; and all campers obviously are responsible for their own personal care. 

MJ was only home one night when the agreement made previously to house sit for friends over Easter was enacted. MJ was solely responsible for a complete house AND one dog plus three puppies. 

We have never had pets of our own. Despite that, MJ has always had an interest in owning a dog. Not sure if that is still an interest. This could be one of those cases where absence makes the heart grow fonder as MJ forgets over time what hard work pets actually are. 

So while I am certain much learning has taken place over the last ten days for MJ, I know I too have learnt something.

I have learnt I am grateful for absence because it truly does make the heart grow fonder.

Life Happens

HELLO!!! I am sooooo sorry I have been AWOL.

I don't have a note to explain my blog absence, however, I may be able to shed some light on the matter in this post.

So, grab a cuppa, find a comfy seat and I will fill you in ...

Once April was over and I had blogged every day about what I was grateful for, I must admit, I was a bit blogged out.  It was hard blogging every day. Not so much finding something to blog about, but the time it takes to sit down and put that into words, particularly ones that will keep my readers hanging off the edge of their seat mildly interested. The actual blogging about gratitude however is something I want to continue with once I get myself back on track as it was very therapeutic.

The couple of posts that did follow are an indicator as to where my head was as I wrote about balance in life and a situation around my youngest son LJ and school.

So yes, I have had some challenges with LJ and school. Thankfully he is at a school where the people are so committed to their individual roles and as a team, well, I call them "The Dream Team".  You see I have had much greater challenges with LJ before in relation to school, hence, I moved him when I found the right people for the job.

Sadly, however, having the right people doesn't immediately make for the perfect environment but it does help work towards that.  NSW Department of Education is a big organisation and those who are employed within that Department are required to conform to certain policies, regulations, procedures, guidelines and budgets and although their hearts are in the right place, their values are impeccable and their ideas are at the forefront of Disability Education, they are limited as to what they can ACTUALLY do.

Lets say for now though, we have found a solution that is a great compromise even with all the barriers the Department puts in the way.

MJ has had his fair share of crisis also, although a bit too personal to share here at this time, maybe one day in the future.

What I can share is a little more boring and I am sure most of you can relate to which is, Teenager/Mother communication standards 101. Wow, I thought I knew how to deal with this, after all, I was a teenager once too you know? Lets just say this whole experience has opened my eyes to who I am now.

And then there is the debate surrounding subject selection for HSC and ATAR.  Thank dog MJ has an idea of what he is doing there; I'm lost!

The school holidays are always a test for me too.  Being a single Mum and having two kids that are always presenting me with something to keep me on my toes.  Not having any family support and no access to ongoing respite makes things a bit tedious at times like holidays.

This set of holidays just gone was a little different as I did give the local Vacation Care a try.  Once again, it is about the people you deal with.  While this organisation is a Mainstream provider, they really covered all bases to meet LJs needs.  What a great job.

We agreed on a trial of one half day each week.  LJ does attend before school care with them twice a week for about an hour these days as I now have a very part time job on those days (more about that in another post) so he had become familiar with the staff and it was a great opportunity to build on those relationships.  It was somewhat of a success and therefore gives us a base to build on for the future.

I suppose while I have been in a state of heightened anxiety, finally some of the ground work I have been doing for the last 8 years has brought about some good outcomes more recently too.

I have finally been informed that I have been approved for a Respite Package (given my complete absence of family, extended family, local friends, colleagues or associates) to provide me with any level of support. That also came about finally as a result of having the right conversation with the right person to ensure my case was being given the right level of priority.

Yes, this is all very boring. It is however, my life.

I shall leave it for now and simply mention, this was written in July 2013, so you know, it took me two months to actually hit the publish button.

The reason for that ... well, life happens. :-)

The "better than" - 23rd Day of Gratitude

Many times in my life I have planned for things and found, much to my surprise, that they did not go quite as I has envisaged.

When the dust has settled though, a quirky little phrase that I have often muttered to myself was, "At least it is better than ..." what ever that worse alternative might have been.

So today when I went and picked up MJ after his night with friends, I was very tentative to see him.  You see, he had also decided to get a piercing!

In NSW Australia, there are many body piercings that are completely legal once a person is 16 years old, without having to produce consent from a parent.

MJ and I had discussed this and while I did say that I would prefer him not to, he had decided long ago that he wanted this piercing and since he had a 16th Birthday in late March, there was nothing I could do to stop him (reason did not do it).

He had the money, the inclination and the law on his side!!! *sigh*

Just a word of warning for new parents ... When your gorgeous little 7 year old (picture below) comes to you and asks for ANYTHING you don't EVER want them to have, don't, whatever you do DON'T tell them they can have it when they are 16!

You think, Oh, that is sooooo long away, he will never remember; it's just a phase, it will pass. You even for a moment smile and pat him on the head thinking "how cute"... You think you are humouring them, you are not. You are simply giving them permission 9 years in advance!

Don't say you weren't warned!

CHILDREN NEVER FORGET!

And so, when I look into the face of my handsome son, which I can do standing on a chair or by looking directly up, this is what I now see.

A subtle reminder from a friend in the form of a text message where she just happened to use my quirky little phrase in response to my despondent text regarding the nose jewellery, gave me back some perspective, "I suppose its better than tats."  (Not that I have anything against them, just not on my son's pristine skin!)

She is right in a sense, if he gets bored with it, he can take it out and no harm done. My very wise friend also reminded me that he wasn't doing it to spite me, it was about him being happy. Well, he certainly has my blessing when it comes to his happiness.

It seems they have done an excellent job (what would I know?) as it is in exactly the right spot and all that, he tells me.

The more I look at it the more I am getting used to it. I think the hardest part for me is the fact that MJ being 7 years old, doesn't really seem all that long ago.  I guess I am just getting old ...

Today, I am grateful for the "better than", because it certainly could have been much, much worse.

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