Mental Health - How do I help?

In this world of Organisations like Beyond Blue, Black Dog Institute, SANE Australia, Mental Health Online and such public personal accounts of experiences of Depression as this recent one by Doug Leddin, we realise there is now an awareness of Mental Health being 'a thing' and that is a start.

But is that enough?  The short answer to that is NO.

Simply knowing Mental Health Conditions exist, does nothing to support the people who are living with them, or, struggling with them. We need practical information that can be used to support them.

We now also have 'It's Ok To Say' Campaign', which aims to raise awareness of Depression and Anxiety in the same way the Pink Ribbon has worked for Breast Cancer. And that is a great initiative, but how does that encourage people to act to support those with these conditions?

We have, what is a quite well known Campaign called R U OK?, which I have my feelings about and have blogged about before here. But does this really provide the practical answer to the question, "How do I help?"

I must at this point say, as I usually do when I write these pieces, that this is my opinion only. There are many other opinions on this and many other perspectives. Every person's experience of life, Anxiety, Depression and the World in general is different. That is probably the first point to keep in mind in answering the question ... "How do I help?" 

(I may also at times only use the word Depression here, understand however, it often and usually, goes hand in hand with Anxiety)

I have had my say a few times on this, here for example, as I have a very committed belief that people need connection! ALL people, and so it follows, people who have Mental Health Conditions, need more consideration, because, somewhat ironically, many Mental Health Conditions actually bring about a state of mind where a person withdraws socially or completely from society, when in fact what that person needs is to feel included and valued. This can only come about with connection.

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Often this is not just because of the Depression or the Anxiety or, any other condition, it can be because they are sick and tired themselves, of only having their experience of Mental Health to talk about, to live ... and seemingly, nothing else to share or contribute.

I believe in a thing called "An experience of hope" ... I found this expression in a book I once read called The Bear's Embrace. It was offered as support from a Doctor to their Patient who, no matter how they treated their Depression, felt they were not making a substantial progression. Life just kept throwing itself at her.

This idea is like the saying 'building on your achievements', to achieve great things in life, often one just needs to achieve one small thing. Small achievements bring with them some confidence, a sense of ability, a sense of pride and worth, value. Those, are the things that move a person forward to a better place within.

How can a person with Depression improve their situation if their experience is only Depression? How can they heal in the environment which has made them unwell?

When we as humans encounter other humans we build a 'Catalogue of Experiences' (some good, some bad and many in between), we step out of ourselves, we might even physically step out of our homes, we can then have 'other' experiences, which we can then talk about, and so on, this then becomes our 'new experience'. Eventually building a staircase to follow to a better place or building a 'Collage of Hope".

Depression, however, is a vicious downward cycle and requires an upward push to help overcome it.

YOU! As a friend, family member, partner, neighbour, adult child, colleague, volunteer etc., can help to break that cycle, provide an upward push. Help another person have an Experience of Hope.

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Many people have those human supports around them, but their supports have become "used to the status quo", they watch their person with Depression and/or Anxiety live with it, they do not check in as frequently, they do not drop in for a cup of tea or coffee, they do not invite them to functions or dinner or BBQs, because that person never comes ... by not inviting them, you might just overlook the one day they might have come.

It can be very difficult to be the person supporting a person with Depression, that is why it is even more important for many people to be involved, share the caring. Instead of committing to two phone calls per week each of an hour, have two people make one call each, have 4 people make a call each per fortnight, aim for half an hour, whatever it takes, if you are concerned, it is worth it! As is said to those enduring life's difficulties, It Will Get Better. For those supporting, It Will Get Easier.

Just turning up with a smile after an extended period of disconnection, isn't enough, it is also a much harder role for the support person to perform. When a person who has a Mental Health Condition, and is continually experiencing Life's struggles, has to recount a month of their experience all in one go, nobody wins! That experience only helps them to relive the experience and depletes the energy of the people who care. It is also considered re-traumatising. This is why regular contact is important. And, the more regular, the less time is needed overall.

So, if I have not made it clear and managed to espouse the importance of consistent Connection ... here is the mantra ... STAY IN TOUCH!

Keep up to date in a personal way. Not on Facebook which by the way is just another means of communication, not a real life experience, or by email, which is so impersonal and originally meant for business communication. Having people you know and people you engage with, are two very different concepts.

The sound of a human voice provides more connection that you can know, seeing the expressions on the face of another helps people to remember and experience emotions they may have forgotten. Human contact provides experiences of Hope. If you are still not convinced, watch the video below by clicking on the link below the image ... The Beauty of Human Connection

The Beauty of Human Connection

And finally, commit half an hour a week to your person who is struggling, or any person you care about. Give them something to look forward to, help them build their 'Collage of Hope'.

It might just do you some good too.

If you or anyone you know is in need of support, use the links at the top of this page to seek support or referral, or contact Lifeline on 13 11 14

This, for your listening pleasure ... fantastic version
Just click on the link below the image.

Sounds Of Silence

Raising Awareness Is NOT Enough!

I need to point out that this post was written quite some time ago and has been sitting as a draft, which I have now finally finished. And here it is.

After briefly hearing Ita Buttrose speak on TV about Dementia and Dementia Awareness in her role as Alzheimer Australia's National President, I found what she was saying to be very familiar.

Ita was talking about raising awareness and was responding to a question of funding.  The question was about where do we get the money? A good question.

Ita is an extremely intelligent and thoughtful woman and I have a great deal of respect for her and the way she has lived her life so I was not at all surprised to find her response to be something along these lines ... (not in quotations or italics because this is from my memory - not her words at all).

No we can't go asking the Government for money for everything, there is only so much money available in the pot. This needs to be a community initiative. The whole idea of awareness is to involve the community who at large are the ones we are asking to support our people with Dementia. (End of my recollection of Ita's words)

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Awareness is awareness.  It doesn't matter if you are talking about Dementia, Autism, Variable Religious Beliefs, Down syndrome, Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender, Intersex, Muscular Dystrophy, Heart Attacks, Depression, Diabetes any difference.

That is all it is about. People's differences. When we have differences, our needs are different, when it comes to interacting within a community, that can mean we need to do it differently. Or is it that other people need to interact with us differently?

When I interact within my community, I communicate by voice, I speak. I also listen. There are days that I can go about my whole day without having to speak except to say thank you as I pass through a check out.

On the odd occasion I find myself having to ask a question about a product or a location and because I can speak and hear, that is easy for me to do, given the people I am approaching can also speak and hear.

What if I could not speak?

Think of your day just going about your grocery shopping, getting petrol, paying bills, making phone calls, going to collect kids from school and taking them to their after school activities.

How different would that be, if you could not speak?

How would you cope?

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Yes, I know you could write down what you wanted to say, but what if the person you were trying to communicate with, couldn't read?

Yes, I know, there are all sorts of augmentative communication methods available now, but what if you approached someone that did not recognise the device you were using and just thought you were trying to sell something, therefore not giving you the time of day? Or, they just didn't have the time to deal with that difference in the way you need to communicate in that moment?

What if your speech was not very clear and you had an intellectual delay and you asked a stranger for assistance?

What if you were deaf and your speech was not clear and you had an intellectual delay and you needed to ask a stranger for help?

What if you were in a wheel chair and you had no intellectual delay, but your speech was very slurred and you were difficult to understand and you had to ask a stranger for help?

What ... If you were having a Heart Attack and you looked like a drunk stumbling around, bodily functions out of control and you could not speak because you were unable to draw a breath? Do you think anyone would stop?

What if you were dizzy and losing consciousness because your sugar levels were way out and all you needed to do was let one person know what was happening to you before you blacked out completely? How many people would listen?

What if you simply looked different? You had a scar on your face, you wear very strong thick eye glasses, you looked unlike a man or a woman, you were very tall or very short, your levels of hygiene might not be up to that which is considered "normal"? Would anyone say hello or smile at you?

What if you needed a safe place to sit for a moment because you were being bullied and/or harassed and you were feeling unsafe or unsure just because you were different? How many people would sit with you?

What if you were lost and completely disoriented because you were out of your normal comfort zone and your ability to work outside of a routine or familiar sequence was limited or you were feeling anxious? How many people would know how to help you?

The reason I ask is this ... I can't get people to smile back at me on the street most of the time, much less have them converse with me and I don't want anything from them, just a simple exchange of pleasantries!

The reason we ask for awareness is so that our people with a difference can be supported within the community which they have a legal right to be a part of for as long as they choose to. The sad part is, that legislating for these things cannot change people's attitudes, neither can funding to "Make People Aware". People only want to learn that which is of interest to them and relevant to their own lives!

Integration, support, inclusion ... these all need community INVOLVEMENT AND PARTICIPATION, not simply awareness. 

Awareness is surely a part of it, if we know the needs of others, we can be prepared, but the issue is really, finding the people who want to be inclusive, supportive and active in the integration process.

Unless you know someone who is what society considers to be different, then you have no need or inclination to be active in this support process and making it law does nothing to inspire people to want to be involved.

Anti Discrimination laws have been helpful in litigating after the fact, but the real fact is, discrimination is still alive and well. If it weren't, we wouldn't need the laws!

It should not come down to legal rights, or funding, it is about HUMAN RIGHTS.

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Every individual person, no matter how you interpret them, or misunderstand them, or even if you are completely ignorant of their difference, still has a right to choose to be a part of a community.

The reason we find it so difficult to make this happen however, is because there are so many differences.

For most people is it hard enough to live with their own differences.  For some, their differences don't limit them physically or intellectually. Often their limitations are external to them in the form of bigotry from others,  but for many, the physical and mental stresses of surviving with their differences makes it difficult to be a part of a community that does not support their differences.

We hear the cries of ... But we have disabled parking spots! We have special seating at entertainment venues and there are ramps everywhere now! Even those "travelator" things are replacing escalators everywhere!

And, don't get me wrong, that's great! And that covers the mobility needs of the people who need wheelchairs. Whoopee!

That is one group of people who seek inclusive support, it is actually a token attempt at inclusion.

And how is it inclusive if a person in a wheel chair has to sit in the specially allocated spots for wheelchairs with all the other people in wheelchairs and can't sit with the friend they came to the concert with?  THAT is actually segregation!

Like Ita Butttrose, I ask for Community Interest, Community Action and most of all, Community Inclusion.  If that means Educating people and raising Awareness, then so be it.

But who will commit, which one of you would be capable, understanding, time rich enough to take the time out of your own day to stop and redirect your thoughts, your habits, your instincts, your schedule to actually physically include someone who has a difference?

Who will be that community?

"Inclusion is not a strategy to help people fit into the systems and structures which exist in our societies;
 it is about transforming those systems and structures to make it better for everyone.


Inclusion is about creating a better world for everyone."

Diane Richler, President, Inclusion International

And even as I hit "publish" I realised this post does not include all areas that require inclusion.
We are such a diverse world, and ALL people deserve equality and access.

My Beautiful Son

Tonight I sat down to write an open letter to the community of my son's school. I then saw on Twitter a movement to raise awareness about Down syndrome.  So I thought I would share the letter with you all. 

My son LJ, who has Down syndrome, is my youngest and one of the two who have taught me so many things in their own ways. 

I do NOT believe that "special children are born to special people" nor do I subscribe to any of those cliché statements that people make to parents of children with special needs.

In my opinion, those words would be best replaced with action, in the form of inclusion and equality.

This is what the letter looks like:

Open letter and Fact Sheet about L J and Down syndrome

Thank you to all the families at School who read the fact sheet that was sent home in March. The 21^st of March is International Down syndrome Awareness Day, raising awareness however, is a full time job.

As L J’s Mum I hope you don’t mind if I share with you some of our personal favourites or some of L J's personal characteristics in the hope that you, your children and the greater community will come to understand L J more and other people who live with Down syndrome. L J, as you may know, attends this school and is in 4th class, Miss P’s class, he also attends the dance class.

If there is ever anything you would like to ask, I invite you to approach me anytime, introduce yourself and get to know us as I am happy to answer any questions you may have. My name is Sandra.

¨                L J copies behaviours – Good or Bad. This can be a great way to teach him new skills both social and academic.  Unfortunately, it can also be a way for him to learn inappropriate social skills and behaviours from other people.
¨                L J learns visually, which is why there are so many picture instructions in the classroom and why many Teachers and SLSOs wear lanyards with pictures around their necks to help instruct L J and other visual learners.
¨                L J likes to pretend and often uses this as a means of communication by acting out things that have happened when he cannot find the words to express himself, or to explain something he is trying to say.
¨                L J loves to dance, which I think is apparent when you see him perform on stage at Assembly.
¨                L J also likes to play soccer, basketball, hand ball and chasing.  L J likes to play with other kids in all types of games.  Sometimes he does not understand the rules and this is when supervision and instruction is needed to help him integrate.
¨                L J likes to be helpful, picking up rubbish, shutting doors, putting dishes in the sink, sometimes before we are even finished eating! LOL
¨                People with Down syndrome are supported academically with different learning styles and adjustments to the curriculum.  Often this type of adjustment is required to integrate children and people with Down syndrome in sporting activities and work placements also and in general play with various groups of children.
¨                Down syndrome is the name of the diagnosis given when an individual is born with three, rather than two, copies of the 21st chromosome. This additional genetic material alters the course of development and causes the characteristics associated with Down syndrome. The characteristics of Down syndrome are different in each person despite similarities.
¨                Down syndrome is the most common chromosome disorder that we know of. One of every 700-900 babies born worldwide will have Down syndrome. This number has not changed a lot throughout the entire time that statistics have been collected.
Down syndrome is not a new condition. People with Down syndrome have been recorded throughout history.
¨                There are estimated currently to be in excess of 22,000 people living with Down syndrome across Australia.
¨                Down syndrome occurs in people of all races and economic levels.
¨                The possibility of the birth of a child with Down syndrome increases with the age of the mother. But due to higher fertility rates in younger women, 80% of children with Down syndrome are actually born to women under 35 years of age.
¨                People with Down syndrome have an increased risk for certain medical conditions such as congenital heart defects, respiratory and hearing problems, Alzheimer's disease, childhood Leukaemia, and thyroid conditions. Many of these conditions are now treatable, so most people with Down syndrome lead healthy lives.
¨                People with Down syndrome attend school, have jobs; participate in decisions that affect them and their future plans while also contributing to society in many positive and meaningful ways.
¨                All people with Down syndrome experience cognitive delays, but the effect is usually mild to moderate and is not indicative of the many strengths and talents that each individual possesses.
¨                Quality educational programs, a stimulating home environment, good health care, and positive support from family, friends and the community enable people with Down syndrome to develop their full potential and lead fulfilling lives.

How often do you need to write to the school your child attends to "explain him" to them?

My Happy Ending is TRUE inclusion and equality for ALL.

My Beautiful Son LJ