Saturday, 5 April 2014

Therapy - 5th Day of Gratitude

Trigger Warnings: Depression, Anxiety, Mental Health.

Yes, I have therapy.

I've had Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, I've tried Neuro Emotional Technique, another Emotional Response Therapy (the exact name I cannot recall at this time), I use ABC (Antecedent, Behaviour, Consequence) to examine my reactions or responses to things in an effort to understand and change, I use Mindfulness to live in the moment, I've had Kinesiology, Massage, Aromatherapy, Hypnosis, I've done a Positive Parenting Program (PPP, Triple P), Mindful Parenting, I've read self help and parenting books and I've even prayed (not bad for an Atheist).

And, although this might all seem a bit drawn out, over-the-top, excessive, weird and a bit like over analysis, I have to say for me, its been exactly what I needed.

The first thing I did actually discover in a real light bulb moment early in therapy, was how long I had actually been living under the influence of a Mental Illness. Most of my life it seems.

The second thing I learnt, was that I had only recently started to actually FEEL, my emotions (a result of having children 17 years ago), and, that I did not know how to regulate those emotions as I had only ever know anger or aggression before. Yes, most people said I was moody and jokingly called me a b*t*h. (One reason I find that word so offensive these days.)

Whilst there have been many epiphanies since then, the one I had just today, was that all the therapy is finally paying off.

I had been pottering around the house, getting bits and pieces done, when I stopped for a power nap.  But then it started, my brain, just kept going, it would not stop, it went to all the places I don't go anymore, it seemed I could not stop it.  I tried to ignore my thoughts, it was futile. So then they came, the tears, the feelings, the dread of going backwards, the guilt, the shame, the vicious cycle.

I started to feel overwhelmed ... and then it occurred to me.

If I had a cold and felt like shit, I would just accept that and wait for the cold to pass. I would take some Panadol, some Echinachea, some Garlic and I would rest.  I would just wait until I felt better.  I wouldn't feel guilty for not being able to function, I would probably expect everyone to do the stuff I didn't feel like doing, because I was sick.

Most importantly, I would look after myself and be kind to myself, because that would make me get better sooner.

And so I did. I accepted my thoughts, and then filed them away, I calmed myself and my thoughts, I talked some positive self-talk, I nurtured myself like nobody had ever done before, and I gave myself permission to be vulnerable. So I cried, but, for the first time, they were tears of healing, and that, is why ...

Today I am grateful for all the Therapy I have had.

What do you do to push through a bad moment/day? Have you had therapy? Do you use the techniques you have been taught?

If you are feeling Depressed, Anxious, Suicidal, make a phone call now.
Reach out, now.
Lifeline in Australia 131114
In USA 1-800-273-8255
Or contact your local Mental Health Service

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